...from all the things I've lost...I miss my mind the most...

...you tell me why i keep on killin' myself...

...i need to keep u in my life
without u there's no sun to shine...

will u ever come back?
or will i ever forget about u?
[nope]
this is the answer

so usual
so irregular
so wrong
so me

[no no no no]

i don't wanna know...
i don't wanna see anybody else but u...
...but u wanna see anybody but me...

[simple simplicity]

[mind duplicity]

[no reason to live]

[no reason to die]

...i still keep on crying...

...try to smile even if u don't want to...
sometimes it helps... i wish it really did...
but in fact, it has no effect on me

[blah.blah.blah.]

do i ever speak about smth important?!
...nope...
whatever
...i don't care...

what the hell is wrong with me?
...oh, i can see my head somewhere under the table...
...n few fingers in a cup...
...oh, n an eye in cat's bowl...
+ that shitty brain on the floor...
...uh...disgusting...

[ha.ha]

now u believe me i lost my mind.
i did
i actually did

[turned off the light]

sometimes i feel as if i am falling...
falling into nothing, or falling into fur... into flowers...
actually it can be everything...

today i fell into silent serenity

[yeah]

i feel good...
the night was cold but it brought smth new...
smth i took from u
n smth i wasn't sure about till now...
but now...at this moment...i know u were right

[thanks]

...no trespassing...
ha ha
i adore u

remember i asked u if u would have cheated to your wife with me?
u said no... i said yes...
i am sure... u r not...
i don't care
[i guess]
but i'm not sure... ha ha

anyway...i am really grateful

n one more thing )))
he was nice...
the other guy
the one i met
n the one who helped me to find the way to my checkpoint ))
it was fun

we gotta see each other sometime...
we will )
i know
u know
hell

[we both know]

la la la la...

was it me? who said that?

...mmmmmmmm...
...yeAH...

It's already not morning...n it's not evening yet... i woke up few hours ago n i feel miserable again... i've gotta so much to do... n i do nothing...

[blah.blah.blah]

DO U KNOW ABOUT MY DREAM?!
...of course u don't...

i guess nobody does...
though... u can guess...
as well as everybody else...

...i decided to stop eating...
at all??
dunno yet...
but mostly YES!

I have to loose finally that weight...
n i WILL do it...

[I WILL]

aha

i wanna be very [THIN]... abnormal SLIM
that's my dream

so, as soon as i get to my LeoCity i stop eating...blah
^_^

freaking happy of that thought!

i'm pretty sure i'm sick...abnormal...insane..?! //

well...i always knew there's smth wrong with me, but lately i began to think about that more seriously.

i don't sleep.

i mean i do, but not much...n not often...n not regularly...n not when normal people do.

look at the time i'm posting this.
[exactly]

i could have been already asleep, but i'm not.

[why?]

i dunno the answer.
i mean i do...but i don't.

[forget it]

i need some professional help.
i do.
really do.

Please don’t hate me anymore
So many tears I’ve left there on your shoulder
I see your eyes still looking at the floor
I know you hide them from my face
It hurts...oh, fuck, how much it hurts
I try to scream but there’s no sound
I try to die but not so brave
No hope is left I’m desperately nothing
It’s not your fault...you know that too
But why It hurts...but why?
I shouldn’t have said those words
I could’ve made it better
But I’m not smart...but I’m not you
12 days have pasted but nothing changed
N every time I think of you, my heart is in pain
Oh, God...please stop those tears
N take those memories away
I have to live somehow...again...

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get only with what you are expecting to give which is everything.


"Really, who you are at your core has a lot to do with what your values are,what you really believe in, whether or not you feel safe enough to tell people who the real you is."— Dr. Robin Smith


In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did
and why you no longer need to feel it...

And I'm leaning on the fence between past and present tense.
And I'm losing all those stupid games I swore I'd never play.